Friday, February 27, 2009

Why I Blog

Yesterday, I was intrigued by Jennster's question: Do you blog just for free stuff?

I blog:

1) To force myself to write.
2) To keep a record
3) To keep in touch.
4) To meet new people.
5) Because I hope that something good/more/interesting will come of it.

Listen up advertisers with tons of money, publishers looking for the next funny memoir, potential sugar daddies...

Would I like to pay my mortgage with my blog? YES
Do I want my parents to read my blog? NO
Would I like to review your product? PERHAPS

I realize there's a learning curve, never mind the popularity contest. So far, my expenses of blogging have far outweighed my monetary gain. I've won a few online giveaways, had my business card drawn for a few prizes and received one small check for the ad revenue from this site. But for me, nothing (so far) has been better than hearing the words: I really like your blog.

Now excuse me, I running out to a blogger lunch sponsored by the Hawaiian Tourism Board. Seriously.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Thin Mints Dense Mom

So last year, I dutifully accompanied Hazel around our neighborhood to knock on doors and take orders for girl scout cookies. Then a month later, I dutifully drove around with a trunk full of boxes to help her deliver the cookies. And how I wish that was the end of the story.

The problem arose when the deliveries were met with a slew of people who either weren't home, moved or were hiding in their closets. Determined, I organized a few orders with post-it notes of the name/address of the recipients and I would try to catch the unsuspecting customers as I drove through the neighborhood running my various errands. Well, that was the plan. Except that I can only assume in a rush to deliver and make it to school, work, church or happy hour on time— I drove off with the master list of orders on the roof of the car and it was never to be found again.

*NOTE: If you are still waiting for your '08 cookie delivery, they AREN'T coming. Please address your complaints to my thighs.

So of course this year, I vowed to try a different approach. I decided to lose the order form BEFORE the cookies had even arrived. So now I have over 100 boxes of cookies in my living room and little to no idea who they are for. Well, I know who ordered, I just don't know their order per se.

Whadaya mean, you don't want the sugar free chocolate chip?

image lifted via Google

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

TMI about my eye

So Magpie and Niobe have a little visionary thing going on. I'd love to participate, however my eye is currently not photo worthy.

Have you ever gotten a sty? I'm predisposed to them. It's essentially an eye pimple. So sexy.

I felt one coming on last Wednesday night. So Thursday, to be precautionary and because it's recommended, I went with my glasses vs. contacts. But instead of improving the darn thing continued to swell and swell and swell. It was like the opposite of Christmas, waking each morning to discover exactly what my face would look like. (scary). And it hurt. (like hell).

Yesterday, after I examined my eye I rushed straight to my optometrist. The white of my eye seemed to be turning yellow but just in one spot. Dr. Google had nothing to say on this matter, save for a diagnosis of jaundice. The real doctor was not available but the receptionist gave me some Lubriderm®. I failed to mention I had some prescription drops in my pocket that Dr. Google said would treat viral, bacterial and fungal infections and they don't expire until 2/09. (Leftovers from my brush with severe conjunctivitis in '07.)

So today, nearly one week later, I'm still wearing my glasses. It's considerably better. I knew we were heading towards healing when the pain of the puff turned into an ameliorating itch.

I had the girls inspect my yellowing eye whites. Lula inquired, "Mom, do you have asthma or asthma related symptoms? Because you should contact your doctor if you have swelling, difficulty breathing or yellowing of the eyes. These could be a symptom of a serious illness. Side-effects include...."

She was quoting the advisory voice over for some pharmaceutical TV spot word for word.

"Nope, no asthma sweetie." I answered.

She just patted my hand and stared into my good eye sympathetically. I bit my tongue and spared her my jokes about my enlarged prostate and an erection lasting longer than 4 hours.


Questions of the day

1) Should I go to BlogHer '09? Are you?

2) Do you/would you flush a tampon down the toilet?

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Public Service Announcement

Today the girls and I were playing tourists in San Francisco. We were at a park across the street from Old St. Mary's Cathedral when I noticed quite a few elegantly dressed people outside. "Look, they're having a wedding." I said. "How do you know it's a wedding?" asked Hazel. "Well, I guess maybe it could be a funeral." I thought out loud. "Or a divorceary." she said.

And I laughed to myself at the made up combination of divorce and anniversary and the prospect of a ceremony to end a union.

I just saw this over at Adrienne's.

And I wonder if Prop 8 does go through, if supportive straight people will file for divorce as well? Will we?

Please don't.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Back In The Saddle

I started riding my bike again.

I had a bicycle accident in December and broke my arm. During my recovery, I learned that two of my friends also had accidents that resulted in broken bones. My friend Mike broke his back surfing. We were discussing our inability to care for ourselves one day over the phone. I was boo-hooing the fact that I couldn't shower, sleep or raise my arms over my head when he retorted with the fact that "he couldn't wipe his own ass for close to two weeks."

Touché, Mikey.

(When I think of myself in a similar situation, I know I would ask my children to assist me vs. my husband and wonder if that speaks poorly of my marriage?)

I fired off an email to another friend informing him I was officially on the mend. He replied that he had taken a spill on a skateboard and "almost died". Skull fracture. Brain hemorrhage. It put the ability to not use one arm for a few months quickly in perspective.

I've become more faithful about taking my calcium supplements. I think the next time I fall, I won't try to stick out an arm to catch myself but rather keep my limbs close to my body and protect my face. But really, I hope that there isn't a next time —for me or my friends.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm a Secret Agent

This weekend I've been keeping a keen eye on the the internet phenomenon Kittens Inspired By Kittens.

One of my friend's daughter is the self-described "weird" girl who narrates the viral video. It has been fun to watch it go from a few hundred views, to thousands, to tens of thousands, to hundreds of thousands, to featured on the front page of Yahoo! and E's The Soup. Now it's spawning mash-ups, parodies and re-mixes.

Oh, the interwebs. What fun you are.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

They're Playing My Song

This year, I fulfilled one of my mommy dreams by forgoing the standard boxed and branded sets and making our own Valentines. They weren't as creative as Design Mom's. They weren't an original idea; I pinched it off the Family Fun site. The craft dominated the kitchen table for more than a week. And a too many of those peanut butter cups ended up in my mouth. But overall, I was happy we went for it.

We had to make over 40 of these edible ipods. I knew it was good when Erik asked for an extra 10 for his friends. Look at my ability to copy. Pay no attention to my ability to photograph.

See how the songs tie into the holiday. Themey.

The kids loved them.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

So last week I was watching a movie NetFlix recommended for me called A Walk On The Moon. I thought perhaps I was the only person on the planet to have viewed this cinematic masterpiece, but then my friend Stef said she'd seen it at least six times.

Have you seen it? If you haven't here is the trailer.

(Note: There is this scene where Pearl and the Blouse Man steal away to a riverbed which rivals all of the movie sex I have ever witnessed. Or maybe I am in dire need of a spa retreat with multiple shower heads.)

Later that day, I read this article titled "Phew! I'm not the only woman who hated sex while married." on the BlogHer homepage.

The article is based off a momlogic survey that found: Of the 2,500 married women who particpated in this poll, 50% said they found sex either depressing, embarassing or a hassle. Moreover, 29% said they were just too tired, 26% said they would rather read a book, and 23% had sex only because they wanted their husbands to be happy.

The author of the Phew! post summed up her thoughts by saying:

All I know for sure is that now that I'm single again and have discovered there's NOTHING wrong with my current sex drive, I'll never hand over my body like a plate of chicken again. I'll never make placations and excuses, nor have 'obligatory sex' again. Cause my body is an extension of ME; and ALL of me deserves to be treated like gold. And I now KNOW that a woman's body never lies. -Delaine

Okay. So here I am in the middle of just having seen one of the hottest sex scenes ever between a bored housewife and a blouse man and a divorcee who finds it easy to get excited about the prospect of sex with a new man.

I'm not a math genius, but I think we're comparing apples to oranges.

Yes, married sex is not the stuff that sells movie tickets. (Unless it's a comedy.) But as a married woman, I don't think it is fair to lump lackluster sex life as a symptom of a failing marriage. Add to that a panic inducing statistics and I am so far away from that waterfall in Upstate New York. I guess what I am trying to say, is I can see how it would be easy to have new sex with a new man and then say I used to hate sex with my husband. I think that you should call me after you've been having sex with the new guy for fourteen years and then we can compare notes.

Oh, and Viggo know where to find me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This Just In

I'm really getting irritated by the top news stories today.

The A-Rod Steroid Scandal.

Michael Phelps'Bong-gate.

Seriously, are we all that surprised that professional athletes use performance enhancing drugs? Do we still find it so scandalous that college students smoke pot?

Tune in tomorrow when we will all wake to the earth shattering news: Teenagers Have Sex!

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Weekend Trifecta

We had lots of plans this weekend. Starting on Friday with the Father/Daughter Dance.

I went to the BlogHer Bloggy Valentine event.

On Saturday we went to the SF Chinese New Year Parade.

And Sunday we attended the Circus for the Arts event benefitting art in public schools. But first, we had to ride our bikes all over the island. Because sometimes, Google Maps likes to do you that way.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Full of Hot Air - Piss & Vinegar Optional

One of my dear friends is about to have her first child. And is often the case of close friends, Stef and I have taken it upon ourselves to suggest some baby names. I'm proud of my naming prowess and I'm a bit snobby and opinionated about names.

Here is how I suggest names...

Me: (via text) Paloma!!!! I love it!

Me: (via email) Name that baby December.

Me: (to myself) Hmmmm. Maybe Parvati? Like the chick on Survivor. Wait. Parvati. Parvati. Sounds too much like poverty. Speaking of which, when am I going to get paid?

Sadly, all I've gotten to name lately is our new Christmas Betta fish.

Which I promptly named Moscone. And in a matter of minutes the name had been morphed into Macaroni -because I have kids and they have the upper hand. So stick a feather in your cap, Yankee Doodle. And it seems like a fitting to express the sorrowful passing of Bubbless. Which Erik killed. In his sleep. And only made it appear like the fish was found floating at the top of it's bowl the next morning. Crafty, that one. And maniacal.

So, not to make it seem like I'm forecasting the death of Moscone Macaroni, I want to go on record as saying the next living thing that comes into this family is getting named, Sir Bootleg Moonshine. Bootleg for short. Or just Boo. Isn't that a great name? Don't you hope it's another fish? Or you could just start training now to sic your Maxwell on him/her after school at the playground.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The World Is Coming To An End, Would You Like A Piece of Cake?

I tend to get excited about things prematurely.

Take my birthday, three years from now.

I have the dubious honor of having a birthday where the day of my birth coincides precisely with number of the month. Seriously, the odds are 365 to 12 that you can say the same. And what's more, in a few years the day, month and year will all be the same. The odds are quite unfathomable.

Mark your calendars for 12/12/12!!! Par-tay!!!

I'm toe-deep in the planning stages, until today when it was cruelly brought to my attention that the apocalypse has already booked the party room at every Chuck E. Cheese, Pump-It-Up, Dive Bar and beach-front resort of my dreams.

I've. Been. Foiled.

I knew the universe had it out for me.

Update: Doomsday potential pushed to 12/21/2012. So whew!

Another update: The odds are actually probably much higher than 365 to 12. But I'm not a math genius. Oh, and I think it would be really, really cool if you were turning 12 years old on 12/12/12 - which I'm not. But Hazel will almost be 12. Which means I will almost be a mother of a teenager then. Thinking about it all that way makes the whole 'the end is near' seem plausible.