Monday, December 29, 2008

Viral

Let me throw this up before it everyone else does. C'mon - tell me you heard it here first. You can even make your own.
Our Message of Hope

Mine wasn't nearly as entertaining.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

This stinks

Yesterday marked three weeks since I broke my arm. Several of you have left comments and promised prayers and I want to say THANK YOU and keep them coming. This by far has been one of the more challenging bone breaks of my life. Possibly even surpassing the The Great Ankle Break of '01 that required surgery and a (mis)diagnosis of pre-term labor.

A few days after this accident we ran into Lula's first grade teacher. She said: When I heard about you riding your bike with the kids to school I thought, wow! she's so adventurous that's a life well lived. Her remark added a spring to my step and a smile to my face.

It's remarkably different than the comments I get from my loving mother: What is WRONG with you? Who breaks as many bones as you? You need to have a bone density test!

I've broken 4 bones:

Wrist, age 11. 3-wheeler accident.

Ankle, age 31. Slipped on ice. Blamed on back-to-back pregnancies.

Wrist, age 32. Snowboarding.

Arm (between elbow and shoulder), age 37. Bike accident.

I am a bit nervous. Afraid that I can't snowboard, ice skate, kiteboard. Afraid that every time I fall, I will break something. And this break has been so stressful and taxing that it adds to my phobia.

But enough about fear, let's get to the bitching.

Someone commented that their husband had to hook/unhook their bra for them. Bahahahahahahahahahaha! In my house, in my relationship this just isn't going to happen. Nor can I expect my husband to button/unbutton my pants. So I wear tanks tops with built-in support and elastic pants I can pull on and off. I bathe (with my shirt on) about every three days and wash my hair in the sink on the same schedule.

The most helpful member of my family, the one who rolls their eyes the least is my sweet baby Lula, without her help I'd really smell to high heaven.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

X

So yesterday my sister came to help celebrate Hazel's 8th birthday. We ended up at the bowling alley. It was alot of fun, but I discovered that actually bowling is much more fun than watching bowling. After 2 games and close to two hours - I just couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my sister's 12 pound ball with my left hand. I walked to the end of the lane and threw the ball with my non-broken arm straight down the lane and with my first and only throw bowled a STRIKE!

That's how I roll, set 'em up and I knock 'em down.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Hire Me

So this whole broken arm business has really hurt our finances. And at the same time everyone in my family finds the need to ask me about work. So yeah, I'm available for all of you copywriting needs. I'm especially qualified for writing jobs where speed and hygiene are optional.

It's all I can do to not scream at everyone I love: I CAN'T WORK BECAUSE I CAN'T BATHE.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Wish I Was Here



Hey...guess what? Today is my birthday! I'm a big believer in planning your own fun because there's nothing worse than not having fun on your birthday. So a few weeks ago I made a reservation here and invited my favorite people (my family) to accompany me for an overnight.

Visions of a nice dinner, afternoon hike, tide pool exploratory and elephant seal observations danced in my head. Then I broke my arm. I have difficulty sleeping. I'm scared to scurry around rocks. I only have one hand to pick up starfish and sea anemone. It seemed to be the best play to postpone. *sigh* And on top of all that, I'm officially getting old.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I've fallen and I can't get up

When I broke my arm, I ended up pitched over my bike in a heap on the ground. The alley is a popular dog walking area, so I am incredibly THANKFUL I didn't land in a pile of dog poo. Having both of my children with me made it necessary to hold it together. As much as I wanted to scream and cry, I knew I couldn't.

Lula's assesment was that it looked like I was doing situps. I'd pull myself up and the pain would be so great that I'd have to lay down again. Luckily not in poo. Up and down. Up and down.

Finally, I decided to try to stand up and go get some help. My plan was to keep the hurt arm close to my body and use my good arm to push up, except even when my brain told me that my hurt arm was held close to my body it was actually swinging down towards the ground.

That's when I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of this mess on my own.

The first man who came along said: I don't speak English.

And the second person, a woman, was 8.5 months pregnant.

It was at that moment I started imagining spending the rest of my life in the alley. In a shady quiet poo-free spot.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Pity, party of one

This arm break is a serious problem. I'm still in the temporary cast so essentially I haven't actually started healing. Every once in awhile, I move the wrong way and I feel the bones give and a wave of pain rushes through my body that makes me wish I was in labor. I have to type and do everything with my left hand. I'm right handed. I essentially can't work or work out. It's difficult to sleep - even with the medication.

I've already irritated my mom and my husband. So on top of the fact that I haven't showered since Sunday, I also have to apologize and make nice with the two worst caregivers I know. All of my Christmas craftiness has been shot to hell - along with the ice skating, gingerbread house making and snowboarding. (The girls and I put up our tree and lights on Sunday.)

I see the Doctor on Friday. Erik seems to think that they will have to immobilize my entire arm. That it will be fixed in some sort of awkward jutted out position until Spring.

I think I'll go get a manicure. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to chip the polish on my swollen sausage-sized fingers.