Friday, May 30, 2008

Screw the girlfriend, buy one for your wife!

Guess what? Today is my anniversary. This is what would top my gift list:





I work in advertising. And have a passion for "new media". That means the ads, content and experiences that live in the digital space - mostly online. This little gem already has close to a million hits. Me thinks it will garner its creator a fancy new job. Not to mentions a few sales for Nintendo™.

Oh, but yeah. Today is my 8th anniversary. I can't believe I've been married eight years. And to the same man.

How long have you been married?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I am a WINNER!

It is my lucky day.

And while I am waiting on two important and life changing pieces of news, I have been given two unexpected shout-outs I feel compelled to share.

Today I am Bossy's readers reader! An award I have long coveted. So if you are here via Bossy. Helllloooooo! Kick off your shoes shoe and stay awhile.

And secondly, I entered a Win A Free Trip to BlogHer '08 and I won! There were 3 prize categories:

"Full Boat" Prize
3 winners: Full Conference Pass (Value=$348) and 4-Night Accommodation at the Westin St. Francis Hotel* (Value=$1,500)
*Does not include room charges.

"Soak It In" Prize
5 winners: Full Conference Pass (Value=$348)

"Cheers to More Winners" Prize
20 winners: hakia T-shirts

Guess which winner I am? Of course, I am a "Cheers to More Winners" winner.

I am frantically entering more of these contests. And I am accepting nominations for this. Please, it is NOT the time to be shy. I think the deadline is Saturday. So get on the stick and nominate me.

(I tried to get my friend Stef to do a back scratching you-nominate-me, I'll-nominate-you. But she just laughed it off. Thinking that it was a contest custom made for the Dooce's of the blog world. And speaking of Stef, she referred to me in her most recent post as her dear OLD friend Vanessa. Er, thanks.)

While we're on the subject of age, a few nights ago I paused on a TBS replay of When Harry Met Sally. It was the scene when Meg was uncontrolably crying to Billy Crystal because her ex-boyfriend was engaged.

"Does she say she's crying because she is going to be thirty someday or because she is going to be forty someday?" I asked my husband.

"Thirty," Erik quickly quipped back.

Of course, it was forty.

Which reminds me that both of my parents literally add years to my life. They've been saying I'm almost 40 for the past 10 years, I swear. Recently my mother uttered these exact words: Now that you are my age. Huh? How is that possible?

All I know, is that in Hazel's school journal it says right there in the December section, scrawled in first grade penmanship, my mommy is thirty sex.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Forgive Me Blog-o-sphere.

I've been keeping secrets.

Depressing secrets.

Exciting secrets.

A secret so big that I nervously chewed my fingernails and waited for the phone to ring and my mother to scream through the telephone wire, "WHAT!" But apparently I'm raising two daughters who can also keep secrets.

Before I get to THAT secret. I've been meaning to tell you about the now not-so-secret, potentially family destroying scandal currently going on with my mother's farming side of the family in Kansas.

Remember, Lonah is a midwest farmer's daughter. And my uncle Rick now runs the ranch. Raising livestock and crops on land that my great-great-grandparents worked close to a hundred years ago.

Cut to just before Christmas, when my aunt Jenny ran off with the hired man also affectionately known as the town Mexican. (I hope no one takes offense to me calling him the town Mexican, because he is indeed originally from Mexico and the town is so small that he is also indeed the only person hailing from south of the boarder.)

When the saga was originally unfolding, I contemplated writing an installment series simular to Pioneer Woman's except mine was going to be called: Overdue Bills and Prescription Pills.

My uncle's life as of hog farmer is a far cry from the picture painted by P-Dub. They do have the four kids and the calf nuts in common though. But the saga turned into a scandal and with each sordid detail that surfaced, it got to be too much to hear much less poke fun of on this blog.

So that's half of what I've been keeping to myself.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Seriously?

Really? Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong?! Ewwwwwww.




Lance Armstrong's personal life made front page news when the recently divorced father decided all he wanted to do was have some fun with singer Sheryl Crow way back in 2003. At the time, I was a new mom with two toddlers and a lot of opinions. I remember flipping through the pages of People magazine to see the singer with a toddler on her hip. Blame it on the hormones but I knew I didn't like what what a saw. Easily I compared my reality of a SAHM to that of the Grammy award winning singer/songwriter and multiple Tour de France winner, cancer survivor and fashion icon. "I wouldn't want some other woman holding myyyyyyyyyy baaaaaaaaaby!"

I've softened on my strong standing. I admire the divorced parents I know who amicably co-parent. But, Lance? He's getting a little bit of a reputation. He's like a man slut. Like McSteamy. And just when I start thinking he's single, he's hot! That little voice in my head blurts out - but he's a daaaaaaadddddd!

And Kate...I really like her. I just don't see her as being another notch on anyone's bedpost 10-Speed.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

And action!

Remember yesterday, when I didn't post? When I moped around all fussy and blue because our video camera had come up missing.It was last seen in Erik's truck and more often than not, the truck doors are not locked. The stero was stolen last year, so we are used to thieves helping themselves to the interior.

I was in funk all day. It wasn't just losing our camera, it was so much more depressing to think of all the film footage we had not backed up. Memories gone in an instant. Christmas, Birthdays, Swim meet, etc.. Poof. Lost

Then today when I was cleaning the kitchen, I opened a drawer and there was the video camera. Right there. I that drawer. The drawer where I recently decided to keep all A/V electronics. Poof.found.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm it

Marathon Mom tagged me for the Guilty Pleasures meme


Mine include:

Dlisted - I get the dish daily.

Sneaking into bed with one of my children in the middle of the night. This happens about twice a week.

Those few fleeting moments when I don't worry about money or anything else for that matter. Occasionally.

Attending a 2+ hour new release service at the Church of the Most Holy AMC Theatre. I used to attend religiously. For four years In NYC we lived across the street from the busiest Lowe's 25 screen multi-plex in the North America. I went 3x a week. Sometimes the marque would pan and I would have seen every single movie. Oh how I looked forward to Fridays. Guess who chose the afternoon pre-school? Now *sigh* I only attend a few times a year, mostly on high holidays. Thanksgiving and Summer Blockbuster season.

Playing Fantasy Vacation - where I research fabulous places to get my passporty stamped. This is fun at dinner parties.

Walking aimlessly around a great farmers market - Santa Monica, San Francisco, Union Square. Maybe soon. Very soon.

Car dancing to my favorite songs from High School, Pour Some Sugar On Me. Instantly I feel 17. This is an always fun surprise.

Watching my kids from a safe distance while reading a trashy magazine novel and remembering those days when I used to have to keep them in arms reach lest they get hurt.




I tag Stef and Kelley and Amy who should start their own blogs, asap.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

And the song doesn't suck either

Almost everyone I know, be they be mommy friends, relation, coworkers, airplane seat-mates, random folk you run across at the nail salon, waiting room of the Quik E. Lube or grocery store, everyone has a favorite commercial. And of that favorite commercial, they like to retell it. Or ask you if you've seen it?

And when you work in advertising they ask you at the country club, family reunion, packed beer joint, bus station but especially when you're running 5 minutes late.

And almost everyone I know, who is a creative. An advertising creative. When they see a good commercial. The kind that the people mentioned above. The kind they retell. The kind that is an easy sell. The kind that makes sense. The kind that make you proud. Those advertising people, they think: Why didn't I think of that?

This spot, I'm not sure if I would have thought of, but I like it. I like the cowboy to the ballerina to the old men in the bathhouse.



But, alas, I don't like Heineken.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Flakin on Flickr

I'm down on Flickr. I probably haven't given it enough of a fair shake. But when they slapped me with several pre-generated warning emails I felt obliged to shoot back some snark. And because y'all seem to enjoy your posts with a side of bitter and bitchy, I'll copy it for you. (Notice how I slip in a nod to a whimsical children's book.)

Hi Terrence

Thanks for another email. I took down the videos in
question last week. If you could be less formulaic and
more specific in your correspondence then perhaps we
could clear up this matter.

I'm a slightly miffed that I sought help for something
that is obviously an error or glitch only to be
reprimanded now three times via email. As I originally
stated, I was alerted to Flickr as a portfolio
showcase because my friends use it. I've taken down
the videos I asked for help on and never once have you
acknowledged my original question. (Look into the cute
children's book The Elephant and the Bad Baby. You're
being a little bit like the bad baby, Terrence.)

In addition, in our first email I asked to be refunded
for the fee to upgrade to pro. This refund would
rectify the whole video issue all together.

How is that coming? Let me know.

Best,

Vanessa


I love how I use the tried and true "everyone else is doing it" as my main argument. Man, am I ready to be a mother of teenagers or what?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tug-of-war

Tomorrow is Field Day. It's an elementary school tradition where the different classes in each grade compete in good old fashion fun to win ribbons and bragging rights. Something tells me that it might be a regional thing, that children in the Northeast are not competing in sack races and dress up relays. But I could be wrong.

Last year, when Hazel was in Kindergarten, I was able to catch her in a few events and cheer wildly as she pulled on a rope with the whole lot of six year olds attempting to drag the rival class across the chalk line. After about an hour and dangerously close to being an unacceptable time to drag ones self into the office, I told Hazel I had to go to work. "No Mommy! No. Nooooooooooooooo! Stay at least for the bucket relay. Stay. Please stay."

It was heart wrenching. And it killed me to walk away. Okay, not killed, but hurt. And I made a vow. A vow that next year! Next year! I was going to attend field day in its entirety.

And now, 365 days later, I am in a more demanding work situation. In the midst of a HUGE project. And there is no chance I can attend field day. Well, maybe I could go for a little bit. But, I was just out of work last week when I went to SF. No, I should go in early like I always do. What if I went for an hour and then didn't take lunch?

Work. Children. Work. Children. It's such a struggle.

Monday, May 12, 2008

AIDO's Excellent Roadtrip - NOTHING Like Bossy's

Post #2

When AIDO finally landed at SFO she called her husband and broke the news that she was never coming back hopped in a knock-off Super Shuttle® with a man who didn't speak English but had a very good GPS system.

Weeks earlier AIDO had wracked her brain attempting to figure out who she could impose on stay with and what she was going to wear. This resulted in 21 straight days of panic. Thankfully, AIDO's friend was a shiny prince and came to her rescue with a Aero-bed™ and a key under the flower pot.

AIDO spent the afternoon walking around Noe Valley, getting her nails done, window shopping, people watching and kicking herself for ever moving away in the first place.

This was only the second time in over seven years, that AIDO had ever been away anywhere by herself, and after about 4 hours of silence she was really excited for her friend to come home so she could talk to someone. The purpose of the trip was to attend the 25th Anniversary Party for Goodby, Silverstein and Partners. *sigh*

It was indeed an affair. Black tie. Held at the San Francisco Opera House, over 1000 people in attendance.

Here is AIDO and her date about just before they walked out the door to go to the prom party.



AIDO took this picture using the built-in camera on her MacBook. The very same camera she used to take this thought provoking photo.

Here is the picture AIDO took right before entering the Opera House.



AIDO's date laughed at her picture and suggested that maybe she should have turned the camera horizontally. He laughed at her the next day as if she could do something about it. AIDO thinks perhaps he should have taken the picture, being both a gentleman and an art director by trade. AIDO reminds her date that she is merely a copywriter and thus her expertise lies in selecting the right words to capture the sentiment of the situation.

Here is AIDO with her beautiful friend Andi. Like AIDO, Andi just had a baby six years ago. (AIDO used that "just had a baby" line for four years. On occasion she wonders if she could start breast feeding again to burn the 500 calories or get the 10 extra points. True, true.)



AIDO was sad that she didn't get to see her friends Jim and Jon. But she did get to see her friend Patrick.



Her old co-workers Kelly and Jake.


And her friends Guy and Mark.



To capture these pictures, AIDO used a special technique she learned at Nikon® photography clinic filter. And this special filter is called alcohol.

Here is when AIDO cranked it up to 11.



AIDO stayed at the party until 2. That's 2 in the morning. And although there was no dirty dancing, AIDO had the time of her life. Such a great time that the first thought, AIDO had when she awoke the next morning was:Damn! I should have "networked" more!

Which AIDO thinks is much better than had she woken up to wonder:

Where the hell are my pants?

Sunday, May 11, 2008

AIDO's Excellent Roadtrip - Like Bossy's Only Bigger , Better , er Shorter

On Thursday, AIDO left on her excellent road trip. Only she wasn't sponsored by Saturn nor was she driving. But she did wake up at 4:30 in the morning and her wonderful family called her a cab took her to the airport.

AIDO's destination was to head west and north to beautiful San Francisco. So she immediately boarded a plane and flew south, because that's what you do when you fly this airlines.

And just two short stops, two time zones and six hours later AIDO arrived in Las Vegas.


And because the flight attendant suggested everyone had 20 minutes and were free to walk around, grab something to eat and play the slots - AIDO lectured the other passengers on the inherent evils of gambling pushed an old lady down and ran up the tarmac to stuff her hard earned money into the first machine she saw. And when those cherries lined up and the lights began to flash, AIDO tried to figure out just how many dollars equalled that many nickels and she cashed out because AIDO is no fool - she took that three dollars and twenty cents and ran!

To be continued...

Friday, May 9, 2008

Looking for my heart

I love you but




I've stepped away from my computer. I'm out of town. In the city that I love. All by myself. Excuse me while I take full advantage of this opportunity.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Show me the love

Yesterday, I received a rejection notice via email. And by what I assume is a technical glitch, the notice arrived in my inbox 4 times.

We're not interested.

We're not interested.

We're not interested.

We're not interested

Of course the actual email rambled on a bit more and of course, I opened each one. I have the uncanny ability to attract a kick in the teeth when I least expect it and/or need it least. Care to rub my tummy for good luck?

Once, I forwarded some writing samples to a publisher that contained an extremely harsh critique from the previous recipient. Didn't get that gig either.

Last week, I stopped at the 7-11 on my usual morning commute. The worker smiled boldly at me and proclaimed, "Not going to work today, I can see." Uh, my office is very casual. And if they made branded zip-up jerseys. I'd wear one every day. Harumph!

There was the annual exam at the OB/GYN with my toddler in tow, where the lady in the waiting room asked when my baby was due. I pointed to the kid next to me eating the magazine. "Uh, 'bout 16 months ago."

Last week at the dentist, they gave me my new bite guard. "You have a very strong bite," the dentist proclaimed. "What does that mean?" said I.

"You're a good eater?!?!" the assistant quipped with out being asked.

People, I'm putting you all on notice, if I want any more back-handed compliments any more insulting inquisitions, I'll ask for them.

On second thought, misery loves company, tell me about an incident like this that has happened to you.

Monday, May 5, 2008

On the inside I'm an egotistical maniac

While I should have been using my precious weekend time to find a dress.

Or get a partial highlight.

Take my calloused and somewhat unmentionable toes to the salon.

Schedule a full body lipo.

Get an injection of self-confidence.

Or take a crash course from Stewart Smalley.

I instead busied myself with some of this:





A little bit of this:



And that:



And some of it was even for them:


Thursday, May 1, 2008

Weight and see

When I was planning my day today. I didn't plan on this:





My brand new crown came out of my mouth, about 20 minutes after I arrived at work. Of course I panicked, because my dental degree from the University of Google immediately diagnosed the mishap as very expensive. It appeared as if my half of my crown had come out with the rest of my tooth attached. But luckily, my dentist was able to slap that sucker back in with some extra cement and a sign of the cross.

Long story short, I didn't got to WW today.