Thursday, October 2, 2008

Life imitating art

I finally saw Sarah Palin Tina Fey in Baby Mama . Remember the scene where her sister is looking at a brown smudge on her child's arm and says, "Is that chocolate or poop? Chocolate or poop?" And then licks her kids arm to get the answer. I can totally relate.

I remember when Lula was a few days old, and in the midst of changing her newborn size diaper a few millimeters of sweet day old baby pee some how managed to get on the couch slipcover. My mother who was helping with everything standing over my shoulder observing my every move, loudly exclaimed, "Now you've GOT to wash that slipcover!"

I remember limping down the hall to the laundry room, muttering under my breath about how ridiculous the whole thing was. That I'd "rather drink her pee than wash the entire sofa slipcover" but I was too tired and hopped on hormones to argue.

Cut to yesterday. For me, night training is a potty training PHD - compared to the GED of wearing in big girl panties during the day. For years I felt like every other sentence that came out of my mouth was, "Do you have to go potty?" Now I've graduated to at least 5 to 10 "Did you go potty?" asked each and every evening.

And on occasion, there's still an accident. Now that we're back in an apartment, it's not as easy as throwing the sheets into the wash before I walk out the door for work. So at night, before I go to sleep, I've been forced to revert to an old tactic: picking up the sleeping child, carrying her to the bathroom, helping her on the seat, waiting for the tinkle of the tinkle and the getting the almost 60 lb child back to the bed. (Whew, the laundry is starting to seem easy.)

So last night, as I pulled back the covers and prepared to scoop up the sleeping child, I noticed a mysteriously moist spot. I stared curiously, "Sweat or tinkle? Sweat or tinkle?" And in order to get an answer, I did what I think most moms would do. I shoved my nose into the spill and sniffed. Sniffed big.

Sweat! I proclaimed. And then I laughed at the woman I'd become and was very thankful that I didn't end up on the wrong end of the poop/chocolate conundrum.


js said...

Just found you through a link! And am I glad, I needed that laugh! A) That movie is awesome! My friend (who has no children) and I saw it together. She was mortified at that scene while I found it incredibly funny and true! B) I've done the same thing. The carrying the heavy (80lb) child to the toliet to prevent accidents and the smelling of the sheets to see if it's pee, sweat or spilled juice/water/bedtime drink of choice. Which, really? Is a bedtime drink WISE if the child still has occasional accidents? Probably not, but easier than arguing!

Dijea said...

HA! I had a friend who put shower curtain liners between the sheets so in the middle of the night she onlyhad to take off the sheet and shower curtain. She kept two fitted sheets on the bed so if she got woken up in the middle of the night it was oh so easy to fix the problem and get back to sleep.

zellmer said...

I do that, too. The sniffing. Only with me it's, "is that pee or the sippy cup you had turned upside down while you knawed on the plastic bottom for the entire car ride."

Mrs. G. said...

Yep, motherhood is primal.

Miss Grace said...

Here's the part where I admit to picking something off of my couch and putting it in my mouth to see what it was. It was (I think) not food (I think). I'm not really sure what I learned from the experience.

mrs. blogoway said...

I'd be able to identify chocolate by smell from 10 yards away. LOL.

stepping over the junk said...

I just watched that movie this weekend, it was hilarious, the poop part. I found myself, when my kids were younger, licking food and stuff off their hands when I didnt have a napkin or anything. AND we totally have the "sweat or tinkle" think going. It kind of all smells the same!

kath said...

HEY!! i so enjoy your blog. it has made me wanna do it too!!

i found a picture of hazel holding a snake. I can send it to you and maybe you could submit it to that site. i wish she was in my class this year.

whenever yellow submarine comes on in the car, gracie always sings lula tangerine. she is missed too.

glad to hear life is good.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

Ha! I did the exact same thing the other night, sniffed the sheets and, luckily, it was sweat.

Other things I've sniffed lately when I probably shouldn't: a sippy cup, the potty seat, underwear that looked clean, but I wasn't sure, chocolate on my kids leg.

Motherhood has made me a whole new person.

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