Sunday, July 13, 2008

Googling Squirrel Birth

"Mommy, there's a squirrel in the tree and I think it is dead. Oh, Mommmmmmmmmy. It's been there for a long time and it is not moving."

So I dutifully, walked outside to examine the dead squirrel. Except, it's eyes were open. Every once in awhile it's head would twitch. It was splayed out on a low limb hugging the branch with it's tail in the air and some sort of inexplicable something going on between it's hind legs.

My mommy brain kicked into overdrive. But you should know, I'm not exactly an expert in animal husbandry. I remember once commenting that to my Aunt that one of the sows in the pig pen appeared to have hemorrhoids. She laughed at me shaking her head and corrected, "That is not its butt." (In case you don't make it around female hogs very often, to my city eyes the best way to describe it is to say the girly bits get ravaged.)

Which brings me to my first donkey show. A donkey show with kids in tow. They've recently revamped the children's area at our zoo. Replacing an area that used to house goats with three miniature Sicilian Donkeys. The first time I laid eyes on the little asses the black and white one was seriously letting it all hang out.

"Mommy, what's that black thing hanging down between its legs?"

Which was the EXACT thought racing through my mind. Seriously, I'm not sure if was the Italian or the Donkey, but that lil feller might need an agent. Or on second thought, thank goodness he's in the zoo where he can be protected.

"That's his penis." I replied nonchalantly. Lula quickly scampered away and I carefully picked my jaw off the floor and resisted the urge to point and take pictures. About this time Hazel approached.

"Mommy, what's that thing hanging down?"

"That's his penis." I again replied nonchalantly. But I couldn't stop staring. Seriously, I couldn't look away if I tried.

"No, what is that thing hanging down?"

To which I exclaimed, "No, really. I know it's hard to believe but THAT is his penis!"

"No, that BLUE thing."

I zoomed out, allowing my eyes to take in more of the scene. Tied to a rope, hanging from the eaves of the barn was a medium sized blue rubber ball. And as if on cue, the donkey obediently switched gears, reeling in it's manhood and playfully head butting the toy ball.

Which brings us back to the squirrel. I stood there in the backyard perplexed. Quickly ushered the dog into the house. Quickly jumped on the computer to try to google an answer. Seems as if this isn't quite the birthing season for squirrels and they commonly deliver a litter in a tree nest. So I'm still about as confused as I was when I started. I don't know, the best I can come up with is maybe it is the squirrel that has hemorrhoids.

8 comments:

Jenny said...

Hahaha!!! I happen to be the only person I know who LOVES those little creatures. Have you seen the video of the squirrel on waterskis? Perhaps he just needs a little more fiber in his diet. Is he exclusively eating acorns, or perhaps he has found something delectable in your garden...?
BTW Kudos to you for telling it like it is to your tiny ones... I don't know how you didn't fall over laughing!!

Stefanie said...

Luckily you were at a relatively clean donkey show. Not that I would know of any other kind...

'That Girl' said...

LOL. Girl, you are too funny. I respect the hell out of all of you hip parents that have taught your children the proper names for their private parts. I am not one of you. We still have pee-pee's and tally-whackers, and we're not real sure what mommy and other girls have.. Yes, I said "tally-whackers", I don't know where the hell that one came from, or why exactly it's more desirable to 'penis', but it makes me cringe less. Usually I say "tally" for short. (feel free to laugh amongst yourselves). Anyway, I still haven't gotten around to the birds and bees talk w/ my 5yr old (shocking huh?) and we were watching a show about crocodiles and of course they had to show us crocodiles mating and he says "what are they doing" and I'm all "I don't know? hmm..wrestling?" and he sits there quiet for a minute and then he says "I think they might have a baby egg soon" and I'm all speechless w/ eyes bulging and vomit threatening to come up and he gets off the couch and returns to his trains.
Hi, my name is that girl, and I'm a terrible mom that's letting Animal planet teacher her son about sex.

blunoz said...

Hi, Came over from your comment on BHJ's blog. Great story! Thanks for the laugh.

We recently watched "The Man with One Red Shoe" with our 7 and 4 year old boys. Although it's a great movie, it probably wasn't the best choice for our boys. When Carrie Fisher was wearing a leopard print bikini trying to seduce Tom Hanks in bed and making monkey noises, my 7 year old asked what they were doing. Uhhhh... they're playing a game. What's the name of the game they're playing? Uhhhh... Tarzan.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

One time we were in this state park and traffic was going slow because a burro was just standing in the road. This burro had a huge 2 foot boner and me & Jackson still get hysterical about it. It was so awesome.

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