Sunday, July 13, 2008

Googling Squirrel Birth

"Mommy, there's a squirrel in the tree and I think it is dead. Oh, Mommmmmmmmmy. It's been there for a long time and it is not moving."

So I dutifully, walked outside to examine the dead squirrel. Except, it's eyes were open. Every once in awhile it's head would twitch. It was splayed out on a low limb hugging the branch with it's tail in the air and some sort of inexplicable something going on between it's hind legs.

My mommy brain kicked into overdrive. But you should know, I'm not exactly an expert in animal husbandry. I remember once commenting that to my Aunt that one of the sows in the pig pen appeared to have hemorrhoids. She laughed at me shaking her head and corrected, "That is not its butt." (In case you don't make it around female hogs very often, to my city eyes the best way to describe it is to say the girly bits get ravaged.)

Which brings me to my first donkey show. A donkey show with kids in tow. They've recently revamped the children's area at our zoo. Replacing an area that used to house goats with three miniature Sicilian Donkeys. The first time I laid eyes on the little asses the black and white one was seriously letting it all hang out.

"Mommy, what's that black thing hanging down between its legs?"

Which was the EXACT thought racing through my mind. Seriously, I'm not sure if was the Italian or the Donkey, but that lil feller might need an agent. Or on second thought, thank goodness he's in the zoo where he can be protected.

"That's his penis." I replied nonchalantly. Lula quickly scampered away and I carefully picked my jaw off the floor and resisted the urge to point and take pictures. About this time Hazel approached.

"Mommy, what's that thing hanging down?"

"That's his penis." I again replied nonchalantly. But I couldn't stop staring. Seriously, I couldn't look away if I tried.

"No, what is that thing hanging down?"

To which I exclaimed, "No, really. I know it's hard to believe but THAT is his penis!"

"No, that BLUE thing."

I zoomed out, allowing my eyes to take in more of the scene. Tied to a rope, hanging from the eaves of the barn was a medium sized blue rubber ball. And as if on cue, the donkey obediently switched gears, reeling in it's manhood and playfully head butting the toy ball.

Which brings us back to the squirrel. I stood there in the backyard perplexed. Quickly ushered the dog into the house. Quickly jumped on the computer to try to google an answer. Seems as if this isn't quite the birthing season for squirrels and they commonly deliver a litter in a tree nest. So I'm still about as confused as I was when I started. I don't know, the best I can come up with is maybe it is the squirrel that has hemorrhoids.


Jenny said...

Hahaha!!! I happen to be the only person I know who LOVES those little creatures. Have you seen the video of the squirrel on waterskis? Perhaps he just needs a little more fiber in his diet. Is he exclusively eating acorns, or perhaps he has found something delectable in your garden...?
BTW Kudos to you for telling it like it is to your tiny ones... I don't know how you didn't fall over laughing!!

Stefanie said...

Luckily you were at a relatively clean donkey show. Not that I would know of any other kind...

'That Girl' said...

LOL. Girl, you are too funny. I respect the hell out of all of you hip parents that have taught your children the proper names for their private parts. I am not one of you. We still have pee-pee's and tally-whackers, and we're not real sure what mommy and other girls have.. Yes, I said "tally-whackers", I don't know where the hell that one came from, or why exactly it's more desirable to 'penis', but it makes me cringe less. Usually I say "tally" for short. (feel free to laugh amongst yourselves). Anyway, I still haven't gotten around to the birds and bees talk w/ my 5yr old (shocking huh?) and we were watching a show about crocodiles and of course they had to show us crocodiles mating and he says "what are they doing" and I'm all "I don't know? hmm..wrestling?" and he sits there quiet for a minute and then he says "I think they might have a baby egg soon" and I'm all speechless w/ eyes bulging and vomit threatening to come up and he gets off the couch and returns to his trains.
Hi, my name is that girl, and I'm a terrible mom that's letting Animal planet teacher her son about sex.

blunoz said...

Hi, Came over from your comment on BHJ's blog. Great story! Thanks for the laugh.

We recently watched "The Man with One Red Shoe" with our 7 and 4 year old boys. Although it's a great movie, it probably wasn't the best choice for our boys. When Carrie Fisher was wearing a leopard print bikini trying to seduce Tom Hanks in bed and making monkey noises, my 7 year old asked what they were doing. Uhhhh... they're playing a game. What's the name of the game they're playing? Uhhhh... Tarzan.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

One time we were in this state park and traffic was going slow because a burro was just standing in the road. This burro had a huge 2 foot boner and me & Jackson still get hysterical about it. It was so awesome.

Chenzhen 20160303chenzhen said...

discount nike air max
cheap oakley sunglasses
reebok shoes
rolex replica watches
tiffany uk
birkenstock outlet
cheap jordan shoes
christian louboutin shoes
canada goose outlet
omega speedmaster
ray ban sunglasses outlet
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses outlet
versace sunglasses wholesale
nba jerseys wholesale
nike shoes for cheap
polo ralph lauren outlet
yeezy boost 350 balck
adidas supercolor pink
cheap ray-ban sunglasses outlet
abercrombie & fitch
ray ban outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet online
hollister uk
louis vuitton purse
cheap ray bans
michael kors outlet online
ralph lauren
sac longchamp
jimmy choo
coach factory outlet
burberry outlet
polo ralph lauren
tiffany and co outlet
fitflops sale clearance
louis vuitton uk
adidas superstars
nike air max 95
polo ralph lauren

Hua Cai said...

michael kors uk
ralph lauren
oakley sunglasses wholesale
louis vuitton outlet
air jordan shoes
tiffany jewelry
ralph lauren uk
fitflops sale
true religion jeans
lululemon outlet online
hollister clothing
hollister shirts
ray ban sunglasses sale
true religion outlet
louis vuitton outlet store
cartier outlet
christian louboutin shoes
basketball shoes
reebok outlet store
lebron james shoes
toms outlet store
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton bags
ferragamo outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
ray-ban sunglasses
nike free run
louis vuitton neverfull sale
louis vuitton pas cher
michael kors outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
asics,asics israel,asics shoes,asics running shoes,asics israel,asics gel,asics running,asics gel nimbus,asics gel kayano
coach factory outlet
adidas uk
hermes belt

dong dong23 said...

michael kors outlet clearance
nike outlet
louis vuitton bags
coach outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet store online
oakley sunglasses
michael kors purses
pandora jewelry
asics running shoes
ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton
ed hardy clothing
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren sale
ralph lauren polo outlet
abercrombie and fitch
ray ban sunglasses
cheap jordans
cheap nfl jerseys
christian louboutin sale
timberland boots
jordan 3
michael kors outlet
hollister clothing
ray ban sunglasses outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
tory burch sale
tiffany outlet
ray ban sunglasses
toms shoes
instyler curling iron
coach outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
toms outlet
ralph lauren polo
beats headphones
nike nfl jerseys
gucci outlet

Hua Cai said...

louis vuitton outlet store
fitflops sale clearance
coach outlet store online
beats headphones
ray bans
polo ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton outlet stores
longchamp outlet
louis vuitton outlet stores
louis vuitton outlet